What You Should Know and Do Before You Enter Into One And After

Marriage is not compulsory and intimate relationship is not an obligation. Having children is not a necessity either. I have proved these in earlier chapters of this book and I hope they are settled. I hope that, these declarations are clear enough. However, once you get yourself into it—marriage---, you have got yourself into a very serious business. You have as your partner, the most complicated creature on earth--- a human being of opposite gender. Know that for the truth. You are in a most complex association ever!

Now you want to get married or get into relationship with someone.

See the Effects of Broken Relationships on  the Couple



This is your plan. Let us call that Plan A. Once the decision has been made to get married, marriage becomes a supposedly, one-way affair. Ideally, there is no turning back, but people do. Marriage is a union designed originally to be inseparable. Therefore, there are consequences for separation or divorce (See the chapter on broken marriage and broken relationships and its consequences).

I want to give some pieces of advice here which I have distilled from years of personal and clinical experience.

For a start, let us assume that you do intend to purchase a landed property. For sure, you just don’t see a property and then immediately decided that, that is the right property for you. The reason is that, you need to do some searches. Is the seller, for example, the right owner or does the seller have the power to sell as he or she claims? You will also look for comparative prices so that you don’t get cheated. You will do your home work in ensuring that the property has no major problems hanging over it. You will need to ensure that once you get into living in it as a home, it will not collapse over you so you need to know that it is well built--- by surveying it. Is there a hidden crack that may make it non-habitable? All these, if you intend to enjoy your purchase and to ensure your investment is worth it, may have to be checked carefully.

 
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What is pathetic about human beings though is that we do not consider our relationship as crucial to our existence and when things go wrong, we say: “if I had known” in regrets. You should treat your relationship especially true and intimate relationship as if you are the Government of USA and you want to appoint your spouse as your Secretary of State. Investigate him or her through and through. Look for hidden cracks that are covered by the grace of beauty. Treat your potential spouse as a car that you want to purchase. Ask questions from the “seller” which in this case, is the spouse himself/herself/ family members, friends and relatives. Treat your potential spouse as a “property” that you intend to purchase. Ask a “surveyor” which in this case are the doctors, friends etc to give you confidential opinions via scientific investigations (see below and also chapter on Relationship Questionnaire).

 

If you fail to do your “home work” properly, you are laying the foundation for expensive repairs of the “cracks” that you ought to have discovered in the beginning.   Think about it, if you are going for a job interview and you have little or no knowledge about the job and of your employer, do you think you will ever be successful in the job? The employer wants to know you and what you know about them. Prior to your interview, you need to investigate the employer with whom you are about to have a business relationship. If you walk blindly, you may fall over a cliff, into the deep blue sea!

 

See the Effects of Broken Relationship on Children
 

Why would you want to treat your potential spouse differently? Again, let me sound it clearly, human beings hide things. Human beings are difficult and they like to hide their true intentions. But if you apply wisdom, you can see through the opaque human glass. If you shine the light of knowledge, you can overcome your unawareness about what you are about to get your self into. Truly, the choice is yours and you can not blame anyone else if you exercise your freewill, freely!

 

 

1)      1)Plan ahead and well in advance/Have strategic foresight. Look into any potential marriage or relationship or union as a business. As I mentioned above, consider it as if your life depends on it. Take it very seriously except if you are also a joker with no specific direction. In that case, this book is not for you. In that situation as in any case, your life is in your hands, so long as you are not a child and you are neither mentally disabled nor live under duress of another person. If you are a child, you should read the chapter of this book under child abuse and also chapter on adolescent relationship. If you are none of these, then, whatever you become is a result of your decision and plans.

 
See the Effects of Broken Relationship on the Society

 

That is the first rule. Frankly, marriage in the old days in some ancient cultures used to be seen as a business. It is no longer so in some cultures. Whilst one is not advocating commodity trading in marital process, marriage is truly a business between the spouses in modern times rather than between the in-laws as it used to be in the ancient days. Business---that is exactly what it is. You need to invest.  Your investment resources are time, affection, trust, your body, words, and materials which include money. Note: money is and should not be the first investment!

 

Step two:.........Continue here...Buy Now

Then do some forecasting....Continue here...Buy Now

 

4)   4) Always have a Plan B. Human beings change like mercury.   Have a plan of what you will do if any original plan (Plan A) fails. Be warned, there will be third party interference (deadly in-laws, friends etc) in the relationship. What will you do? Remember, the Snake in the Garden of Eden that came between Eve and Adam. You will have your share. Have a plan how you will deal with it. I will advise patience and in-depth of wisdom. Conflict is inevitable (See the Chapter on conflict resolution). Have a “how” you will deal with it. Get sound constructive counsel and wisdom. Plan this with your spouse.

 

5) Take into consideration how the product or children, if any, in the marr......Continue here...Buy Now

People ask, “How do you know when (that is, the time) to get married?” ........Continue here...Buy Now

You are ready to be married when ........Continue here...Buy Now  .For example, if you marry and have children at 60, there are many draw backs to this extreme. If you have children at 15 years, there are huge problems and very little advantages if any (see chapter on adolescent’s relationships). Only you know what suits you

 



 

This is a common question that I have been .........Continue here...Buy Now

 

....Let us assume that you have an apple to eat at work. You took it from home. On your way, you had a bite. And you continue to give the apple a bite until all that remains is the middle stalk. You still took it to work and hope to eat it. By the time you get to eat your apple for your lunch, I bet that the novelty would have worn off and you are less likely to want the apple any more. What you are more likely to do is to throw the remnant away. If you have not kept the apple properly despite your bites, it may have started to go bad. This analogy fits well with the question of what should not be done before marriage in respect of sex. By the time you settle down to matrimony and you have so much “known” your partner, by then the novelty would have worn off. There is nothing new to discover. Similarly, there is no guarantee that the fiancée or fiancé would not have been “corrupted” by other potential suitors (apple going bad) as is the case of the apple. Therefore, value of the partners would diminish and before long, separation and divorce may supervene............Continue here...Buy Now

 

What about the common question of: Should I live together with him/her and get to know him/her?  Continue here....