From a biology and religious standpoint, sex is directed, primarily at reproduction. The Catholic Church in particular have been outspoken about the relevance of sex in marriage relationship and had indicated on many occasions that sex is primarily meant as a reproductive tool. Let us take this argument to an elastic level. Let us take a couple who want three children for an example. Let us assume, they both married each other at 22years of age. These assumptions are actually real and, were not fished out from some vacuum.
Does it mean the couple would and should have sex 3 times in all their marital life time? Now assuming on each occasion, the woman did not get pregnant but she did so after 3 attempts for each of the children.
That means, the woman would in total have sex 9 times in their entire marital life.
On the other hand, if she got pregnant on each occasion of trying for each of the children, it means that the couple will only have sex just 3 times in their entire marital life.
You can do the maths if the couple want 10 children or 20 children. Now assuming they didn’t want children at all, which is perfectly within their legal and biological right to decide, it means they will not have sex at all!
I am not certain if this is realistic. Perhaps the ruling is meant to be that, sex is meant to be within marriage and not necessarily for reproduction. If one may take the religious argument a little further, there are certainly many married initially childless couples in the Bible who must have been trying for babies. How can we describe their sexual intercourse when they were trying for children?
Our definitions above have given us some indication as to how sex is conducted. However, the manners, the preparation and the actual conduct is a matter for the individual relationship, perhaps within this definition. Years ago, a male colleague of mine in a light-heartedly way asked another male friend of mine, in my presence, a very interesting question. No sexism was implied neither should it be factored into this discussion. My male friend asked: “I know you have been married for a while”, he started. Every one of us who were present lifted up our heads in anticipation of the curious interjection into discussion: “How do you do sex?” he asked to the puzzlement of every one present. The room fell into silence for a while and my friend who is to answer the question paused in total surprise, his mouth dropped for a while. He summoned his courage and responded:
“When you get there, she will teach you what to do!” I think that wraps up the answer to the question on the conduct of sex.
The answer was concise and nearly accurate except for the fact that, there are many reports in which after marital ceremony, one partner in a relationship may simply refuse to have sex---for whatever reason. Often, that is the beginning of the end for the relationship.
Meanwhile, it is not the objective of this book to explore human relationship sexuality save that it is central to all intimate sexual relationships as the name appropriately implies.
As a result, it is very important that I should explore related theme that may seriously affect stability of a relationship.
Is sex required for reproduction?
This might appear as unnecessary question until we look deeper into what is happening around us in the world as well as the advances in science and technology of human reproduction.
Until the birth of the first test tube baby, Brown in England, this question could have been in clear affirmative that sex is required for reproduction. With advent of test tube babies, surrogacy and possibly cloning, the question as to if sex is necessary or required for reproduction has been thrown into confusion.
The reader might be forgiven if he or she says that this claim is not applicable to stable or solid marriages. No it does. A lot of marriages go through test tube babies’ process each year. Surrogacy is also increasing in use especially in the Western world. Therefore, all these could potentially affect the role of sex in a relationship. This is poignantly important if all that the couple required or that joined them in the first instance is the common need for children. Alternatively, as we see in case of some rich pop stars, they could “marry” but actually “buy “the service of a woman for insemination or surrogacy without a single act of sex. The question then arises, as to what is the purpose of sex? Also, what is the key link between the individuals in a marriage relationship? That question brings us to the functions of sex in a relationship.
Functions of sex in relationship
To a certain extent, the function of sex in marriage is basically reproduction. That is the biological and natural function. At least that is what it appears to be, looking at it from a keen and casual observers’ point of view.
However, it is clear that there appears to be more to it than meet a keen observer’s collection. Before I continue, let me state that there is no documentary evidence in human recorded history whereby child-bearing or procreation has ever been made compulsory. In fact, the opposite is usually the case whereby governments even in our modern days, could restrict child bearing because of overpopulation.
Now imagine, if you are married and do not intend to have children. What would you be doing otherwise to cement the link between the two of you in the relationship?
Therefore that calls for some close examination of some functions of sex in marital relationship.
The starting point is that few if any, would doubt that sex is an act resulting from a union of two. Marriage, as we saw at the beginning of this book is defined as a union of two adult opposite genders. Sex, it would appear, is the point where the union itself comes into reality. Two individuals who supposedly “married” but who abstain from sex are not doing the marriage great justice. Alternatively, it may be that one denies the other the benefit of sex. That denial may be the clearest sign yet that all is not well with the union.
Sex, it would appear, functions to calm anxieties in the participants. This is even more important in relationships that are troubled by frequent wrangling. This internal strife can and is usually suppressed in the few occasion when they can “see eye to eye” (if there was light during the act) away from their bickering times. If we put it more medically, sex tend to act as a “relaxant”.
Sex, at least during the act and for some time after the act, promotes intimacy between the couple.
All the natural assets that are given to us are meant to be used. “If you don’t use it you lose it” is a common saying amongst the sage. Therefore, if the organs of sex are not used, they gradually they fall into what is called disuse.
This is true for the brain. If you fail to use your brain, dementia may not be far away. If you fail to use your arms, it may begin to waste. The same is true for organs that we all use in sexual intercourse.
Does that mean that sex is necessary or compulsory in a relationship?
The short and long answer is no. Sex is not compulsory in a relationship but it helps. This is because the couple can rise above a relationship that depends on sex to survive. The euphoric needs of sex may not be necessary for the relationship to blossom. Example: I doubt the thing that may be in a couple in which one is severely disabled physically, could is sex. Yet, the absence of sex, especially in the very old age, may not diminish their fondness for each other. If this were otherwise, then divorce rate might be higher than what it currently is. Example: in relationships where one of the couple suffers from sexual dysfunction as in failure of erection in men, does that mean the relationship should end considering the spirit of “for better for worse” vows that was taken by both on day of the union?
In fact, a relationship whose primary objective is set at the outset on sex is likely to fail. The reason for this is that, like everything else that is being “tried and tested” and “once the novelty wears off” as is commonly said, the relationship will lose its magnetic attraction. The couples will fall apart. At least, one of them or both will simply move on to the next sexual project in another relationship.
Therefore, the question as to if sex is a necessary condition in relationship does not hold always.
Advantages of sex
If you do think that sex is important and necessary in a relationship, what have you got to gain in the relationship?
Apart from the likeliness that sexual intercourse may result in pregnancy and therefore children, what are the other benefits that may be derived from sexual intercourse?
I must say that some of the claims to support advantages of sexual intercourse that I have seen in the course of writing this book are very dubious. Nonetheless let us look at some of them.
1) You use up considerable amount of energy. Some people have estimated this energy to be about 200calories on a 30minutes of sexual activity. On this, it may actually look as if you have done some exercise. The benefits of this, if this is projected, one can claim that, it even helps lower cholesterol, reduce risk of heart attack and blood pressure and improve your digestion. Remember you have just lost a whole lot of 200calories in less than half an hour! You may become hungrier and eat more. The trouble is, except with care, people who suffer heart problems and high blood pressure may actually die during sex due to the high energy usage that follows it or due to the stress of the occasion.
In all, above advantages are good for those of you who want to lose weight. But remember, it can not be a substitute for reasonable exercise.
2) The muscles of the pelvis, buttocks, abdomen, hands and back are at work during sex. So it may help tone these muscles. On that account, the argument goes; it may help your vigour. Remember the danger, if you overuse them, you will also lose them too.
3) Anxiety. Due to the relaxation that follows a successful sexual intercourse (with orgasm), the individual feels relaxed and problem free for a while. Note that when you come back to reality, your personal problem may not have disappeared after all. It can give you temporary sense of well-being. Despite the physical and mental health problems ....
Read full chapter here.
Table of Contents
Acknowledgement
Dedication
Introduction: Every Human Dilemma
Section I
Intimate Relationships
Chapter One:
Names Do Matter
Chapter Two:
The Root of Relationships and the Crucible of
Controversy
Chapter Three:
The Purpose of Marriage
Chapter Four:
The Choice of Spouse and Partner:
Free Will and the Choices that We Make
Chapter Five:
Why Marriages and Relationships Fail or
Succeed
Chapter Six:
Adolescent Relationship: The Turbulent Years
Chapter Seven:
Is this Love or Deceit? Why Does “Love”
Hurt so Badly?
Chapter Eight:
Advantages and Disadvantages of Marriage
And Partnership/Co-habitation Relationships,
With Legal, Medical, Social, Implications
Chapter Nine:
Consequences of Broken Marriages and
Broken Relationships
Chapter Ten:
Broken Marriages: Effects on Children
Chapter Eleven:
Broken Marriages/Partnerships: Effects on
Relatives, Friends and In-laws
Chapter Twelve:
Broken Marriages: Effects on Society
Chapter Thirteen:
Anger and Frustration: Causes,
And Management in Relationships
Chapter Fourteen:
There is Power in Knowing: Talking Frankly with You
Chapter Fifteen:
Relationship Questionnaire/Assessment Scales
Chapter Sixteen:
Conflict Resolutions in Relationships
Chapter Seventeen:
Sex in Relationships: Snare or Serenity?
Is Sex Necessary?
Chapter Eighteen:
Gender Differences: What You Should Know
Chapter Nineteen:
Sample of Marriage/Partnership Agreement
Section II
Platonic Relationships
(Non-Sexual Relationships)
Chapter Twenty:
Friendships
Chapter Twenty One:
Children, Siblings and Extended Family Relationships
Chapter Twenty Two:
Business Relationships
Section III
Experience
Chapter Twenty Three:
Maintenance of Relationships
Chapter Twenty Four:
Instances of One-Sided Relationships:
Abuse of Relationships
Chapter Twenty Five:
Stories of Successful and Dreadfully Failed Relationships
Twenty Six:
Conclusion
***
References 330
Buy or Compare prices or buy now
Title: Relationship: What You Should Know and do Before You Enter Into One ...and After
See Also:
Now Published. 10 Dec, 2009.
Buy Now. Compare Prices Here
