Chapter Eleven
Broken Marriages/Partnerships: Effects on Relatives, Friends and In-laws
“Never rely on the glory of the morning or the smiles of your mother-in-law.” Japanese Proverb
Obviously, at the time that a relationship is established, there are four different groups, formal and informal, who are involved. The first are the couples themselves. They represent the core of this relationship. Let me call them the first or “A” team. Imagine them as the core of four circular rings that surround each other. They, the couple, found each other and perceived that they will be good for one another.
They invited the remaining three groups to recognise and to join them together. The second group are the family and friends. They are the second ring and directly overlie the central core. They solidify the relationship and give some permission for it to proceed. In modern times, this permission may in fact not be required for the relationship to be established. Individuality---“I will do it my way, whatever you think, I am an adult, you know”--- tends to replace the age-long wisdom of the parents and friends.
See Here: What You Ought To Know in Relationships
The third group is the society at large for they sanction and applaud or boo the relationship depending on the type. They are the third from the core. In our days, there is subdued disapproval for some relationships but for fear, few can stick their heads out in the crowd. What do you say to a man of 60years marrying a girl of 18 or even under 16 years in some countries?
The fourth and last ring covering the outmost part of the entire unit is the law or the authority or the government. The law sanctions and gives teeth to any type of relationship it wishes to recognise. The law or government also positively and for the right reason, perhaps, discriminates between different types of relationships. Sadly, the government in many ways have made laws that may also cut a gulf through relationships. Often, the government are represented by the relationship registry, the police, the lawyers, the law makers, social services, Inland Revenue and others.
All these groups will in one way or another influence the outcome of the relationship and marriage that you are about to enter or that you have already entered into. On the other hand, when things go wrong, all these groups can not escape the consequences of the actions of the couple. They will either benefit or pay the full price.
Now, I shall call these groups that are outside the central “core” the relationship the “third parties”. The couple themselves are the first set of parties. Strictly speaking, children are not party to the relationship for as the common English saying goes: “Nobody can choose their parents”. Children, especially those who are under 18 years, are often helpless on-lookers in the whole drama, if ever they were born before the marriage. In most marriages though, children come later.
Presumably, these four groups that I have mentioned make their own contributions to the marriage. Interestingly enough, it can be for ill or for good. The decision for the good or ill of the relationship rests squarely with the couple in the relationship. If the central core can no longer hold, the peripheral rings will fall apart. Also, if the central core is too combustible and about to blow, the peripheal rings will be shattered following the “explosion”. Thus, the couple is always the decisive factor.
If the couple allows the third parties to influence the relationship in a bad way, the marriage or partnership is doomed. If they disallow the adverse influence of the third parties and they both take the good influence, there is a good chance that the relationship may flourish and survive. The choice is yours.
Having said this therefore, let us take a look at the effects that broken relationships may have on the third parties themselves. Remember, we have already taken a detailed look at the effects of the central core and the children.
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Well, there can only be in-laws in a marriage. There are, strictly speaking, no in-laws in co-habitation or with a “common law wife” or in “partnerships”. But then, let us assume that the in-lawship principle applies also to partnerships. In-laws can be a snare or stumbling block to the success of the relationship. In-laws can also be a bedrock or fortress to lean on in times of trouble. It all depends on who is listening to whom. It depends on how you put to use, the “counselling” that you have received from in-laws. This advice can sustain your relationship or it can send it into the abyss.
If in-laws have wished the relationship to succeed, the relationship may hold. If they want you to fail, like the “snake” that I talked about earlier, the relationship may come to a very devastating end indeed. In-laws means either mother or father or any of the siblings of the spouses. They will not go away and they will impact on your relationship. ... ...Continue this here... ***
Case 1: Agnes (original name withheld) was in her late fifties. She had a daughter who was married to a financially successful man. They had a daughter. Agnes and her own husband had fully supported the marriage of her daughter, called Ann (original name withheld). For some reasons, the couple, Ann and her husband were to divorce. ..Continue this here...
Several Effects......Continue this here...
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