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Pre-Marital and Relationship Questionnaires Including Premarital Sex
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Is Sex Necessary for Reproduction and in Relationships?
Roles of a Father and a Mother in the Life of a Child.
Be Careful Whom You Trust and Partner With: Echoes and Lessons from Betrayed Relationships

Pre-Marital and Relationship Questionnaires Including Premarital Sex

© Dr. Joel Akande,  2011
Reproductive Biologist and Counsellor

The following questionnaires have been developed to help you make an informed choice before you make a commitment in your relationship. These questions are useful guides but are not exhaustive as there may be a lot of personal attributes, cultural differences and religious factors amongst others, between many users of this assessment tool.

Also, there is no substitute for honest, practical, and background investigation of your partner before you commit yourself.  Relationships break down because partners and spouses discover untoward behavior in their relationship. Very often, such behaviors have been there for ages although lying dormant or subtle.

Finally, I have not provided scoring of your answers here. You only can make the best of this questionnaire and your relationship. Simply answer the questions honestly. It’s your life.  
However with a deft calculation, you may avoid the headache that relationship brings and reap a huge benefit in the process. You need to be completely satisfied with the answers that you provide or found to these questions below.  My advice: Know  your partner beyond doubt.
Get Answers to these questions here

a.    Are you truly ready to relate, marry or live with another person?

b.    Are you in the right age, culturally and legally, to marry?

c.    Why do you really need another person in your life? This is very important.

d.    Have you outlined what you intend to benefit by going into this relationship?

e.    What would you do if you have achieved the above benefits or you failed to achieve the above benefits?

f.    Do you have any diseases, known or unknown to you, which may affect you or your partner, children and the stability of your relationship? Have you told your partner? Why not?

g.    Are you financially stable to support another and yourself?

h.    Have you got a secured job or training to guarantee an income for you?

i.    Do you believe in marriage for ever or for a short term?

j.    Are you mentally stable to withstand and rise above human disappointments and despair, or sudden death or let down?

k.    Would you want children in this relationship? What would you do if no children are forthcoming? Why do you want children?

l.    Are you religious and does your religion accept short term marriage (divorce) or bar short term marriages (marriage is for ever doctrine)?

m.    What type of “marriage” do you have in mind: is it with opposite gender?
Get Answers to these questions here

Your Family and Friends
No one is an island. We live in a real world surrounded by people and influenced by people.  Your family/friends can aid your relationship or impair it , so are your friends and strangers. The opinions of friends and family do matter. They may tell you a lot about potential problems which you may not yet discover. They may know your partner than you do and have confidential information about him or her. You may need to seriously weigh the opinions of family and friends. Not all may be good as some may be given through malice. You need to put family opinions, your background investigations and observations together to make your mind up about your partner.  

a.    Do you have living family members, mum, dad, uncles,  you could consult for advise?

b.    Would they, your family and friends have influence on this relationship?

c.    Would your relationship with your partner/spouse influence your relationship with your family and friends?

d.    Have you sought wide-ranging confidential and honest advice from your friends and family about your relationship?

e.    Are their opinions helpful?

f.    Are you under pressure from family members to go into this relationship or marriage? Note: Except you truly desire this partner and relationship, you may regret accepting a person you do not like into your life.
Get Answers to these questions here

Your Investigations

Here you need to be real with yourself and be subtle. Leave no stone unturned but be shrewd how you go about investigating.

a.    Is your partner the genetic gender you have in mind and you want? (Simple hair or skin debris can reveal the true identity via DNA testing). Do you know the genotype, blood group, state of infection or non-infection of your partner?

b.    Have you asked your partner to give you a full disclosure of her/his background in matters of medical illness, hereditary family illness, mental health illness, surgery in self and family? You need to know these. Avoid shocking news later or saying : "I wish I had known”.

c.    Have you asked the partner to give you a full disclosure in matters of her/his previously undiscovered and undisclosed behavior such as crimes, drug use, sexual behavior and previous relationships as well as previous children? Face it now to preserve your “romance” or “pay later”.
Have you visited your partner's family, relatives and friends, making necessary enquiries. Do you like what you see and hear? 

d.    Is your partner and potential spouse the person he or she claims to be professionally?

e.    Is your partner in debt and if so how much? Are you ready to accept the debt?

f.    Are you compatible in cultural/language terms? Do you share similar religious values?

g.    Are your career and life ambitions converging with your partner?

h.    Have you discovered something you do not like and which you may not endure now or in future?  Note: if you can not endure it now, it may be the cause of your relationship break-up in future.

i.    Have you spoken about sex and how to conduct it?

j.    Have you spoken about children and why you need or do not need any?

k.    Have you discussed ownership of property within the law (you need the help of legal information on this).
Get Answers to these questions here

Your Partner

People do not often realize that, for good or for ill, relationship partners significantly influence each other and may cause a change in the health and overall wellbeing of the other.   

a.    Is this the person you truly and honestly want?

b.    Does this person match all your criteria in beauty, height, career, education, behavior, trust (read this clinical article),  support for you, selflessness, love and care, health, endurance, religion or absence of religion, hard-work, ambition for children (or not), fertility and way of speaking?

c.    Have you discussed legally binding marital agreement (MA) or have one? Is he or she in favour or attempting to shy away from MA? Note:  This is important to contain bad behavior in partners and in spouses.

d.    Who is going to lead this relationship? Discuss and agree now on the leadership. You are not socially/biologically equal but legally equal to your partner.

Note that there are laws,  natural   or God-made  ( crucially, read also this article): and  man-made (see the Family law you may not know it existed) , that regulate relationships and marriages which many people are unaware of until the relationship runs into problems. I will strongly advise that you make sure you are aware of these laws within your jurisdiction and culture before your relationship goes deeper.  Avoid the pain now and later.
Get Answers to these questions here

Premarital Sex:

a.    Do you and your partner believe in premarital sex?

b.    Is premarital sex culturally and religiously acceptable to you and your partner?

c.    Are you and your partner aware of the consequences of pregnancy, early parenthood and infection as a result of unguided sex?

d.    Are you under pressure to have sex from your partner?  (If so, this may be a sign of potential abandonment: either you agree to sex or not).

e.    Have you discussed sex within the marriage?

Comment:  Premarital sex (PMS) is a hot topic and in most cases controversial. The author does not necessarily promote or agree with PMS.  Please email Myeexpert if you have any question or you need assistance.

The Test
Until you put the information you have to the test, you are still some steps away from reality of what marriage or relationship is like in the real world . Successful marriage and genuine relationship is a hard work.  So, prepare a solid foundation now. Note that, "love is blind but marriage opens the eyes", the saying goes. 

a. Have you tried to clarify issues that are unclear to you through direct and indirect means with or without your partner?

b. Have you put your findings to the test? You are better off doing so without letting your partner know.

Good luck and do compile your answers before making a decision.   Get Answers to these questions here


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