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How to Deal With Manipulative and Deceitful People (How to Uncover and Overcome People Who Deceives You).




(Part of  the New Upcoming Book:  Private and Confidential Letters to My Sons and Daughters
 
Copyright: Dr. Joel Akande. MBBS, MBA, LLB.  April 2011
 
No one likes to be manipulated. It belittles us all and make a mockery of our intelligence. Besides, being deceived and manipulated breaches the trust we may have in individuals. In addition, being deceived implies that we are being fooled and could considerably affect our individual confidence.
 
What is Manipulation?
To be manipulated implies that truth and lies are being mixed together all at once or interchanged and presented as the whole truth.  A manipulator's  aim is to control the victim. That is to say, a person tells you lies and package the lie as the truth, present the lie to you to make you believe in the fabrication. Unaware, you are taken in: You accepted untruths as authentic. Manipulation can also be a situation whereby the victims are misdirected or simply twists facts in a "mix and match" of lies and truth. Manipulation is not the same as "negotiation" or "agreement".
 
Why Does Manipulation and Deceiving Occur?
The objective of a manipulator is to control the victim and the manipulator may go to any extent inculding using the Police, Courts and the Law, and any means to control the victim.  All said, the victim of manipulation are almost always in one form of relationship or another with the perpetrator. Also, manipulation occurs and it assumes that the victim is not capable of finding out the truth about the matter(s). Thus, from the victim's position, manipulation may occur when the victim and perpetrator:
 
1. May be in position of trust such as children trusting adults or their peers. Adults may deceive or  "mis-educate" and manipulate or misdirect  the children so that the perpetrator is able  to gain different forms of  advantages such as affection, attention, being kept in company and so forth.
 
2. It may occur whereby the victim and perpetrator are in intimate relationships such as husband and wife situation. Clearly, one party may trust the other or the two individuals may actually actively manipulate each other.
 
3. Politicians, may deliberately manipulate facts to suit an existing situation. So the followers and the public are the victims of  lies and deceits.
 
4. Employees of companies, business partners,  students and anyone under authority of another may be a victim of manipulation.
 
The Perpetrator.
The perpetrator of manipulation:
 
a. Fears the truth as some Countries and politicians do. In the same way marital partner who fears that his or her sexual adventures may be discovered may start to manipulate the other unwary partner.
 
b. The perpetrator may be apprehensive that telling the truth  as in politics and businesses, may lead to loss of revenue, income, loss of political position and self-esteem (Please read hereHow to Deal With False Accusations)
 
c. Perpetrator of manipulation may want to keep a state of duress and fear upon the victim to that the victim is always in submission to the authority of the perpetrator. This is common in political settings in authoritarian countries and autocratic states.
 
This may also happen between a vulnerable partner in a relationship, between children and adults and the other over-lording partner who wants to maintain a condition to continually exploiting  the other in the relationship.
 
d. Manipulation by the perpetrator may be as a result of mental illness such as grandiose delusions of hypomanics or in mania or personality disorders. On the other hand, manipulator may simply be sane but criminally minded persons.
 
e. Manipulation may also occur as a result of drugs such as cannabis misuse leading to weird claims of paranoia.
 
f. Manipulation does occur in religious situations of "the bad or evil" attempting to manipulate the truth or the good people.

Signs and Symptoms That You Are Being Manipulated
a. The manipulator fails to back up the claims with factual evidence
b. Manipulator prevents you from wanting to establish the evidence. You may be asked to "act now" which is in fact a false sense of urgency. Warning: Do not so act.
c. You feel under duress and uncomfortable. 
d. You may be threatened with severe consequences. This may be the case when children are manipulated. They may be asked to respond to inquiries from outsiders in certain ways or not answer at all.
e.The story of the manipulator keep changing facts and scenes. No consistency.
f. The storyline may just be too strange to believe.
g. Manipulator present as if they are on your side. They tell you what you want to hear while they have different intention
h. If manipulator is questioned intensely, his or her defences will collapse
 
 
How Does Manipulation Occur?
a. Deceiving another person is always a pretense by presenting a false facts as the truth. A weird story may be told to cover the truth.  False accidents may said to have occurred where there is none.
 
b.Manipulators are good at double dealings. They may tell one story now to Mr. A and then for the same alleged event, tell another story to Mr C, all in the hope that Mr A and C will not find out the truth.
 
How To Prevent Being Manipulated
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